Idols Live – Or – How To Be A Mediocre Performer

Idols Live Logo

American Idols Live “performed” this last Thursday at Scott Trade Center Auditorium. C and I were treated with tickets in one of the Club rooms so obviously I had to say yes. I’ve been a huge follower since my first obsession with Kelly Clarkson (or just the nice to look at Katharine McPhee):

Clarkson McPhee

Well – I knew neither of them were going to be there but there was going to be free hot dogs, chicken fingers and nachos!

While I had some hopes of a good time, my expectations of something more than a glorified chorus line or group karaoke like the TV show were quickly dashed as soon as the group came on stage. I now know exactly what it takes to be able to sell tickets to families at $65 a piece…

  1. A singer must point to the audience at all times (must be an old television camera trick)
  2. When singing male/female duets, the couple can only pretend to like one another, and then move away from one another like somebody just caught them making out as “just friends”
  3. A singer should left their legs up one at a time as an excuse for “dancing” or “choreography”
  4. Shouting “Hey Saint Louis” or which ever town you’re performing in as a last ditch effort to excite the crowd can only be used a few times in a single show.
  5. Running up and down stairs does not qualify as choreography (neither does just walking around)
  6. Equally – strobe lights and disco balls don’t make up much in the way as lighting effects.
  7. If you’re near the audience and your fans are lining up to get a glimpse of you – when you’re done pointing around (see #1 above) – reach out and try to touch your fans. Don’t shake hands – just touch… or slap – or high five.
  8. Most of the group can’t sing very well to begin with – but a horrific mix in a live venue sure doesn’t help much either!
  9. If you’re going to sing covers all night – you could at least make them more original… That is unless you’re Blake and then you’re just going to screw it up with your beat-box fads and bad A cappella.
  10. Covers of Whitney Houston songs usually never do a singer justice – however LaKisha Jones did a really good job with “I Will Always Love You” – the only stand out (by far) song sung all night.
  11. And lastly – Sanjaya Malakar. No more to say about that…

So all in all – an okay night. I can say I’ve hit an Idols show in person now – but I’ll probably never go again… (Unless they’re Club level tickets!) If those tickets weren’t free – I would have thought that the event promoters were out to steal our money! They even had a 30 minute intermission! So – until next season…

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