This week I’ve been honored with being responsible for e-mailing out our team’s internal “Quote of the Day” message. For today’s message, I thought I’d send out a few chuckles instead of the usual motivation-centric messages. I had such a good time, I thought I’d share them here as well.

Do not argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we‘d both be wrong.

If you think nobody cares if you‘re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

I didn‘t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

If all the cars on the Earth were lined up bumper to bumper, some idiot would try to pass them.

Only dead fish go with the flow.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

“Hospitality“ – Making your guests feel like they‘re at home, even if you wish they were.

Hallmark Card: “I‘m so miserable without you, it‘s almost like you‘re still here.“